Double Take

Have you ever looked at someone and thought "wow, he/she looks just like so and so"?  Well, this happens to me all the time.  Sometimes it takes a few times to see a person for it to really dawn on me, but other times it smacks me right in the back of the head.  I'm not really talking about people that look like someone I know, just people or characters I've seen on TV. Characters, you ask?  Yes, characters.  Let me show you what I mean.

Now, I really wish I could do a side-by-side comparison, but I'm pretty sure taking pictures of customers is not a good idea, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

There's a lady who, unfortunately for her, looks just like this well-known baddie from the Goonies. 

And another woman is the spitting image of Granny from the Sylvester and Tweety cartoons.

Then there's this bumbling fellow who reminds me of this guy from Fraggle Rock.

Last, but certainly not least, is this mysterious character who, whenever I see him I want to sing this song because once you imagine a dark hat and coat on this muppet, you have our guy. 

By no means do I mean any harm or disrespect to anyone with this blog.  This is purely my opinion and all in good fun.
I hope that this has put a smile on your face.  At the very least, you now have an irresistible song stuck in your head.  You're welcome. 

Patience IS a Virtue

Going to the grocery store is not on every one's list of fun things to do.  It's kind of like entering a new world when you get inside. When you first get there, you have a mission. You have a list, a purpose for being there. All that quickly changes once you get deep inside. There aren't any clocks or windows around, so your sense of time has completely vanished along with your memory. Do I have bread at home? What was that date on the milk in the fridge? What did I come here for? This is when you start aimlessly wandering the aisles looking at everything, but nothing in particular.  Things start to look out of focus and you suddenly remember that you have that THING( Doctor appointment, dance recital, retirement party...whatever.  You get the picture.)  to get to.  I have to get out of here!  You race to the checkout and you wait. Waiting sucks.  And it seems that waiting in line at the grocery store sucks the most of all.

Patience. Some of us have it and some have hardly any of which to speak. We have all been guilty of losing our patience from time to time, especially at the grocery store, but it's how you handle it that sets you apart from everyone else.  I have comprised a list of offenses for you to peruse and maybe you have caught yourself doing one or two of them in your lifetime.  Like I said, everyone is guilty of impatience from time to time.

1. There are the grumblers that voice their impatience in barely audible words.

2. There are the coughers that clear their throats or cough loudly to get attention. (I want desperately to offer these people a cup of water or a mentholated lozenge for their fake cough.)

3. Toe tappers

4. Finger Drummers

5. Key Jinglers (I once had a woman bang her keys loudly on the counter, demanding that I wait on her.  I had to politely show her where the end of the line was and that I'd be with her shortly.)

6. Heavy Sighers

7. Then there are the people who slowly inch their cart up where it is practically on top of the person in front of them as to passive-aggressively move them out of their way.  (These are probably tailgaters out on the roads as well.)

8. Last but not least, are the very few who actually use their cart to push the slow pokes in front out of their way.  (Yes, there are actually jerks out there who have rammed their carts into the back of someone to get them to move.)

No matter how look at it or justify your behavior, you know that you have been guilty at least once.  I mean, you had that THING to get to, right?
The thing is, to me AND to the people around you, you look ridiculous.  And most importantly, it doesn't make me or the person in front you move any faster.  In fact, just because I'm ornery, I will go slower just to mess with you. 
So here's another lesson for you.  Try to be as patient as possible.  Know that I am going as fast as I can.  And here's a novel idea, don't go to the grocery store when you're in a hurry! 

Fuzzy Was He?

I'm not a big fan of fur coats in general, but when worn by a man, it's much more unsavory. There's something about a hulking man wrapped in shiny fur that's equal parts confusing and just plain gross.  I mean, I've heard people say "He's just a big teddy bear" but I don't think they meant he was literally. 

Tea and Crumpets, Aisle 9

 

There's this one man who regularly shops at our store who has a very distinct British accent.  It's one of those accents that sounds highly affected.  He's sort of a bland looking fellow, plump with glasses and curly hair,  but when he speaks, out comes this pompous British accent that at first takes you off guard.  Have you ever heard a song and was surprised when you saw the singer for the first time?  This is exactly what's happening here.  He talks as if he's from turn of the century England and he's just come from having tea and crumpets with the Queen.  (What is a crumpet anyway?)
What makes this guy so amusing is not just the accent itself, but the items he buys seem to almost contradict all once perceived notions.  He does buy a lot of wine, but he also buys a lot of fried foods and prepackaged frozen meals like burritos and pizza rolls.  He's just an average "Joe" with a really superior sounding accent.  So let this be a lesson to you.  You can't judge a book by it's cover or an audio book by it's...um, audio.